The Tale of Rolling to Remember 2025

Please sit back and listen, my dears, to a tale that shall inspire such fears of a Biker group so threatening and bold. The men have no peers, and the ladies are Gold (or so we are told). This Group, so renowned, strikes fear in the hearts of nursing home staff, or so I am told.

Now harken ye to the bold tale of the Iron Horse Clan and Memorial Day Weekend 2025

I promise you this tale is live, and will hurry up, since the Early Bird Special starts at five.

This Memorial Day weekend started early as per tradition on Thursday evening with Steak and Asparagus by Dennis, damn him to perdition (I work, so I never get Thursday steak). The usual early suspects showed up as Chappy, Steve Mollohan, Chief, and other assorted riff-raff encamped on Dennis’ doorstep and started. I am told there was much carousing and naked dancing on tables, lines of coke snorted off Daryl’s butt (He isn’t gay but, $20 is $20), and the discharge of several firearms.

Kidding, but I got your attention. Don’t lie, you aren’t disgusted; you would watch that like it was “A Muppet Game of Thrones” (you would TOTALLY watch a Muppet version of Game of Thrones; I mean I would). I have very little to report about Thursday because I wasn’t there. Nobody mentioned anything about dropped or broken bikes, though, so I guess it was successful, even if it broke with tradition. I can attest that on Friday, everyone was not hungover enough not to be able to ride.

As Kris and I were approaching the turn to Dennis’ on Friday afternoon, the assembled clansmen crossed in front of us (no one waved, so I know no one checked for oncoming traffic - bad clan, bad) and proceeded to the gas station right there on 17. Kris looked at me and wondered out loud, “You think Chief was in that group and will fill up?” and Boom! Another Traditional weekend joke is out of the proverbial Pandora’s Box, and there would be no putting it back. As soon as I dismounted my steed, this noble and self-sacrificing Bard got to meet PooPoo and Debbie’s Grandson. Who immediately viciously attacked me with accusations of sexual assault of his mini-bike, last year, in the dark of night. like a naked thief in the night. “Oh, you’re the one who rubbed your balls on my bike seat”. I solidly assured him that I did not come like a thief in the night, but rode it like it stole it, and most definitely rubbed my balls on his seat (Caveman and PooPoo started it). While gallantly leaving out any budding “Mom” jokes that were in the forefront of my mind. Discretion being the better part of valor; also, Debbie might beat me…So, now there are three running jokes for the weekend, and it is about 4 PM on Friday. We are off to a great start. The look on Debbie’s face when he said it was priceless!

The rest of the Clan rolled back in at varying parts of Friday night as everyone feasted on Fajitas, Libations, and Good Company. The next day’s itinerary was discussed in detail, and every Clan member assembled graciously accepted the plans of the wise Clan council members who only had the good of the Clan on their mind at all times. Who am I trying to kid, it was damn near a scene from “Mutiny on the Bounty” (over the early kickstand up time) with Tilt calling for Lips to walk the plank, or at least be burned at the firepit; no plank being on hand and Dennis’ Pond not being that deep (10% rule, and if you don’t like it, take me job). Eventually, things calmed down and Lips was allowed to live, pending the outcome of tomorrow’s ride. I am told multiple $20s changed hands.

Saturday morning arrived and Dennis’ Coffee brought many an eye open. A Clansman was complaining they couldn’t access Clan-related files online and passed their laptop to someone else to see if they could sort it out. A word to the wise is always lock your devices when they are unattended and ALWAYS clear your browsing history around this group. There were allegations about midget porn and other strange and unnatural acts, but hey $20 is $20.

Kickstands up happened fairly close to on time, and we set off for Antietam Battlefield. The weather was brisk, but it was a nice ride. The day soon warmed up, and we spent an enjoyable time at the battlefield. Caution: Be prepared for homework assignments, in support of a “Staff Ride” like event next year. The plan is to ride the battlefield and stop at the major locations, and someone will talk a little about what happened there and its importance.

Next came lunch, Chief made it without running out of gas. Lunch was served fast, hot, and efficiently, and the food was good; at least mine was. Even better was the fact that we do not strike fear into the hearts of Diner Servers. The motley crew fed, we headed out for the Parade, and before exiting the parking lot, decided it was time to honor our traditions and drop a bike. The Parade went well, with no major incidents, and we were close to the front this time. After the Parade, it was home for dinner and a Meeting.

Dinner was a low-country boil and was yummy, followed by our meeting. We discussed upcoming events, dubbed Emma Graham (East) and Jeff Woodward (West); and Dale and Emma Graham received their Road Names, which are “Thing 1” and “Thing 2” respectively. This comes from “I did a thing” because they can be impulsive with purchases. After the meeting, we nearly had another mutiny due to the early wake-up for Rolling to Remember. We looked around but still found no plank large enough.

Sunday morning arose, and so did our trusty band of kilted warriors. We briefed up, blessed the bikes, and almost made KSU time. The ride into DC was chilly, but uneventful. When we got to the hotel, OCD and I were asked to block for the trip to the intermediate staging area, and we agreed. I mention it only for the following reason. There were at least 50 bikes in our group now, 16 or so being IHC, and when we left the parking lot, it was IHC up front with everyone nice and tight. Everyone else was spread out like they were doing their own thing. We made it to the Pentagon parking lot and hurried up and waited. While waiting, we endured the usual questions “Are you honoring your Scottish Heritage?” and generated the fairly standard amount of attention. Interestingly, a Club tried to cut the line, and the Pentagon Police backed up the AMVETS organizers with about 5.56 reasons why that might be a bad idea.

The Parade went well, more people on the Mall than last year, but I am not sure the bike count was any higher. For the fourth year in a row, the City of DC changed things up from what was published, which caused some consternation. After the Parade, we took the Moms back to the hotel, and some of us went back to Dennis’ while others went back downtown.

Dinner was Spaghetti with Meatballs on the side, and a generous helping of fun and witty conversation around the fire pit, with the most popular phrase of the night being “$20 is $20”. The night closed, and everyone headed to bed. The next morning was coffee, leftover breakfast, and fond farewells. When leaving a Clan event, I am always reminded of the following quote from the play “Julius Caesar”: “If a man were to know the end of this day’s business ere it come; But it suffice that the day will end, and then the end is known. If we meet again, well then we’ll smile, and if not then this parting was well made” (who can name the movie I am thinking of?). My ride home was chilly but mostly dry, and I hope it was the same for everyone else.

Under the rules of “never let an opportunity go to waste,” Robin Murphy joined us and, for reasons that cannot yet be disclosed, shall be hereby nicknamed “CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS”. This closes the tale of Rolling to Remember 2025, until next time; for parting is such sweet sorrow.

Skidmark

Bard of the Enlightened Eastern Realm (BEER)